K-POP the sad industry

With the rising and evolving of technology it brought about social media and different platforms or websites but with all that came monsters behind keyboards and screens. Well the anonymity did make it much easier for the coward to hide but shoot there opinions but are they truly cowards or do the victims of online hate deserve the hate they receive? In recent times i have become an avid supporter of korean music or better known as K-POP and became a fully pledged fan girl. While wondering which band do i support, ofcourse an accomplished Exo-l for we are one. I mean have you heard the skill sets and pipes of Byun Baekhyun, for being a hot snack is just but a bonus.

Away from my fan girling moments many bands have appeared in the South Korean entertainment industry and among them being BTS[ i mean who doesn’t love Jimin]. yes am an Exo-l but i love other bands too. Apart from the crazy fanwars happening there are malicious commenters, seasangs[obsessive fans], and anti-fans have flooded in almost every musical industry around the globe.

Malicious comments have really damaged some of the best artists in the entertainment industry leaving many battling with mental diseases, traumas or even death. Although the agencies contracted to these artists have tried to sue such people they definitely can’t get every evil commentor. i had a conversation with my brother which he claimed if it was him getting some of those bad and hateful comments he wouldn’t be fazed by them but can you totally not be fazed by all that? I totally disagree fot messing with one’s mind has proven to be so easy just by using the meanest of words.

South Korea has been one of the most affected industry with hateful comments causing to the loss of a few of the nations best artist. [may they rest in eternal peace] Big question is what’s the main cause of that? It might be harsh to the eyes to which i apologize but truth is the self-righteous culture and upbringing in the industry to where you are constantly viewed as a perfect human being who can not make a mistake forgetting of the existence of feelings or of being a human being. I do get a bit disturbed because of seeing hateful comments because someone got married because he or she is an idol. I believe the small minded thinking might really lead to more bitter and sad losses which we really wouldn’t to incur but due to our selfishness or being an enemy of progress the worst end up happening. For one i don’t get why an idol marrying is a problem i mean its not the marriage that makes music rather than his or hers talents.

When people stop viewing celebrity as Gods but rather as humans who will eventually make mistakes as do we stops then the true happiness of them prevails and good music or movies are made. Isn’t it a pity to see the same celebrity showing up at concerts or music shows and singing there hearts out with a smile that doesn’t reach there eyes because we robbed off there happiness but they are busy genuinely making us happy. I wonder whoever made us the judges for right and wrong.

Looking back to the artist we have lost like Sulli i agree it wasn’t the fault of only the hateful commentors but even us who saw and never stood up for her, us who just watched as she got pushed into a dark corner, us who loved her music, her movies but in the end we did nothing for her while she struggled to give us everything she had, us the cowards. The guilt makes me really sad that am not sure of how to remember her in my mind either as her who brought her talent to the table and wowed everyone or the her that we stole her joy from and eventually killed her. I’m sorry Sulli that we failed you.

We have lost many more artists because of our cowardice and our selfishness. I saw people trending hashtags on twitter after we lost a really good soul but what does it help when ones already gone? if we can’t protect them alive why bother when dead? When people make mistakes it proves there humanity and proves a learning experience for both sides. If your opinion has got to be an insult or a derogatory comment keep it to yourself. So what if someone got married? so what if someone got a girlfriend? So what if someone added a bit of weight? Such instances shouldn’t be condemning people to death for i rather have them marry and added weight than dead because of words we carelessly used.

Incase we haven’t learnt from recent cases i wonder will we ever learn or will it have to be a repetition till it happens to your family. Fighting against this comments may save a life and living your life and letting others live theirs too. Nobody asks to be worshipped you know, for most of these artists they just want to bring you good quality content and live their lives so let not your entitlement to them not cloud your thinking. you might be a fan girl as i am but you don’t own the reasoning to them making there choices. Showing love and appreciating them doesn’t kill rather brings on motivations and inspirations. so for those who didn’t deserve the hate I will fight to be a good human being. For EXO Chen i will hold the right opinions, For BTS Jimin will fight to protect a wonderful human being.[ EXO-L’S AND ARMY can faithfully co-exist ] In memory of SULLI and GO ARA.

Also to our Kim Jonghyun you worked hard and i miss you.

Al-Shabab is not Islam


 I should start by clarifying i absolutely loathe the Al-Shabab and everything they stand for. People who take lives and destroy properties in the name of waging war don’t deserve to actually exist. Too real? So lets talk Islam for a minute before we all get judgy.

Islam is a  monotheistic religion characterized by the doctrine of absolute submission to God and by reverence for Muhammad as the chief and last prophet of God. Islam is a religion just like any other only with different beliefs. Islams creed is more than a religion, its a way of life. Islam covers all aspects of our daily lives.

Kenya we have had our fair share of terrorist attacks where the Al-Shabab have taken responsibility. We have lost our people from all this terror attacks some of them being Islam. They are psychopaths who get off on people’s suffering and pain. They claim to be waging jihad against ‘Enemies of Islam”.

But just because the people causing terror in different parts of the country are from a religion doesn’t mean the whole religion is bad. They made there own rules and beliefs going against the teachings of the Qur’an. You know how sometimes you put potatoes in a sack and some go bad. Exactly some of the potatoes go bad but not the entire sack of potatoes.

I think it’s time we start to realize that just because one is wearing a hijab or a kanzu doesn’t make him or her a terrorist. I remember working with a Muslim guy and while at work his phone rang, his ringtone was an Arabic prayer. I remember when everyone heard the ringtone everyone ran away screaming bomb!. I can’t even start to explain how angry that made me and people telling him to change his ringtone. We are in constant fights with Islam as a religion rather than concentrate on the terrorists themselves.

Question is will this ever end where we stop making feel people of the Islam community unwanted? Scared because the women are afraid there hijabs will keep getting snatched? Treating them as outsiders makes us inhumane and clearly very stupid. Being the 21St century we still act like cavemen.let everyone lead there lives, many of them just want to work,feed there kids and live peacefully. Whenever we say we are a changed nation doesn’t that make us liars? What a shame!

I saw a post online where a preacher was criticizing the islamic religion. Question is who made you God to go judging people. All I say how will it feel when you go to heaven and meet the same Muslim you hated? What you going about that? On the other hand would you deserve heaven? This religion bullshit of who’s greater than who needs to end, embracing each other as neighbours or fellow countrymen that’s all that is needed. PEACE!


It’s been a few minutes since I was gone and yes a lot has happened. A New Year with all of us hoping and wishing for it to be a better year than the last. Last year wasn’t exactly a walk in the park but now that it’s over we have to re-evaluate where we went wrong and what’s next. Maybe it’s time to actually do something with your life. So on to story time.

“I am an overthinker and I try to be alone as much as I can. Ever felt like when you are in a crowd that everyone is judging you? For me getting in a large crowd the panic that comes with it is massive. I can’t handle the smiles that all look fake, the condescending statements and the touching. I literally didn’t think it was a problem until I went to a party with my ‘friend’. Her insisting that going out helps but does it really? So I decided to try it and went with her. The place was fully packed, filled with extremely loud music, lots of booze and everyone looking like they came from a freaking magazine cover. I felt very underdressed for the occasion with my oversized sweater and jeans, fashion ain’t really my forte Well unfortunately my friend ditched me to hang out with her cool friends while I was extremely uncomfortable and overwhelmed by the current scenes. Guess I tried too hard to impress her.

I remember suddenly feeling my chest tightening. I tried walking to the door but I couldn’t walk, my legs suddenly immobile and all I did was giggle really loudly when someone asked me if I was okay. But then I couldn’t breathe and me being asthmatic I tried using my inhaler but it wouldn’t work. My heart was pounding, the terror when someone touched me I screamed and everyone was now looking at me while most of them had there phones out recording and Instinctively curled into a ball. Then the questions started ‘ who’s the freak?’ ‘why is she on the floor?’ and my so called friend kept saying ‘stop embarrassing yourself’. At that moment I was very terrified until someone shouted GET OUT OF THE WAY!!!! can’t you see she’s having a panic attack? And at that moment it’s like I blacked out of reality because I remember vaguely someone picking me up and I tried fighting whoever but the grip was too tight and suddenly it was quiet, very peaceful.

The next time I woke up I was hooked up on a lot of wires and I tried getting up and a guy with very strange beautiful eyes told me to relax as I was in the hospital. Not the brightest thing to tell me because my anxiety skyrocketed and they had to sedate me. Well apparently my heart had stopped beating for thirty three seconds. My mother sat there crying when I woke up and her vowing to never let me out of her sight. I kind of knew I wasn’t exactly the normal kid but now being labelled as a freak was all I was thinking. The doctor said I had anxiety disorder but would get better.

All the Information took a toll on me that when I went home things seemed strange. Everyone seemed to treat me like I was going to break and I guess slowly I just kept tumbling down a very dark hole. I remember the cutting started, then one day I cut a bit deep that I should have and found myself back in hospital trying to explain to my mother and the doctor that I wasn’t trying to kill myself. Therapy helped a bit and my struggle with depression started.

It’s still a bit hectic with all the medicines and stuff but it gets a bit better. It’s not really easy, I am still a bit uncomfortable with physical contact still a bit of a freak yes. Also am accepting all applications for friends, bit hard to find. Depression sucks major, talking helps yes and only if you have a good therapist.I learnt a lot last year hopefully this is my rebirth hopefully being a better person. Got to wait and see what the year has to offer. So I will see you around oh and maybe the handsome stranger….I didn’t get to see him again unfortunately.

Through Her Brain

Thinking of growing up to become someone the society wants can actually be really tough. I mean people expect you to be something meaningful, to have goals when growing up. Every kid has to want to be something a doctor, a lawyer, a pilot but what happens if the kid doesn’t want to be any of those? Do we shun or make them feel unwanted? Is it there fault or does it fall to fate or even destiny?

What if the parents raise there kids in the church? You know going to church services every Sunday, making sure they read the Bible, Pray before meals and as they wake up even when going to bed then the kids don’t turn out to be the Christians you wanted them to be. Is it there fault or the parents fault?

What is life though? Do we really want to live this life which doesn’t give results that we want. Do we pray because we were taught there’s a God or is it that we believe? I mean if we truly believe he exists why do we sin knowingly? Why does it sometimes feel like a game or is it? I mean don’t you just think its a sequence?

Suicide, is it cowardice you know the easy way out or is it an escape? I mean would you chose suicide? And if you do chose suicide aren’t you sinning? What knowledge do we have or is it just heresay? You asked a glimpse of my brain well here it is. Its all questions with no answers.

Maybe some of them will be answered or maybe they never will.

Being a disappointment

I spend most of my time behind my phone. i like to tell myself that am doing something constructive but right now am not sure. I did not grow up watching fairy tales or leaving them. I mean we didn’t even own a Tv until i was about four years old. But then we had a tv with no power. It actually took i think a year before my parents acquired one of those car batteries. Many people wouldn’t understand how to power a Tv on with a battery but i actually do. Before we got the battery i would stare at the tv box ,hoping for it to light up magically but it never did. I was so happy the first day the tv got turned on, even though it was black and white it was finally on.

I still didn’t watch much tv because we didn’t want the battery charge to go low. We would minimize turning it on. Kids in school would talk of the tv shows they were watching and i would just go with it. i kept wishing we had power but then my mum bought a solar panel and suddenly i could watch all the tv i ever wanted. I thought i was happy but i realized i was trying to fit in. If we had power i would talk of the tv shows and maybe get friends.

Truth be told mathematics was never one of my good subjects. I would always get the lowest grade. i tried everything studying at night, getting  someone to tutor me but nothing. it felt like a curse, partly do. My maths teacher would make fun of me constantly. with the cruel jokes and name calling. i decided i was going to make her feel guilty and so for like 4 maths exams i cheated. But nothing changed i was still the bad joke.

One day i went home and my father hurled insults at me which included calling me stupid and that day i felt really foolish. Then the comparison between me and my sister started. I realized i was the unwanted child. I finished my high school finally, i wouldn’t say i performed excellently but i did not fail either. i then had to look for a job because i couldn’t afford my college fees.

When i got my job it was one of my best moments, i was happy. Unfortunately didn’t go for long and i was out of a job. Being a disappointment all my life and the unwanted child is not a good feeling. Especially when its branded in your heart. So yes i spend my time behind my phone looking for jobs. Trying to prove i can make it. That whole journey though i lost myself. Maybe in the long-run i will find myself and if i don’t when i am alive, i hope i do in my afterlife.

Just maybe i will be someone, would really suck if i don’t but moral of my story love your kids, make them wanted because if they lose themselves they might never find themselves and if they do find themselves might be too late. I became so consumed with trying to live up to what the public expected that i lost myself. I don’t know of anyone else who can say this. i am the kid who if i were to get kidnapped for ransom not a lot would care but don’t let your kids end up being me. Its tough being me or maybe its a blessing in disguise.


Daily Prompt: Awkward

Every girl dreams of having a good faithful man in his life. Well I did but it wasn’t an exactly good start. My life had taken a turn for the worse. Everything I did would go wrong. I even got myself fired even after everything I had done for that company. That very same day I went home and found my then boyfriend Drew in bed with another girl. He held her in a way he never did me. I remember I had no energy left and I slid down the wall sat there watched them sleep with their legs tangled together, chest pressed against back and arms around waist. The intimate act of them sharing a bed tore through me like a jagged knife ripping my heart apart. I didn’t even flinch when drew moved, opened his eyes and looked down at his bed partner with more love than I ever received in the entire year of our relationship.

“fuck! Emmy! what are you doing here?” Drew shouted in surprise upon seeing me looking at them from my seat on the floor. if it were any other day I would have had a comeback and tossed him out together with whoever she was but then again…I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t be mad at him because of the way he looked at her. wiping at my face I crawled under the bed and pulled an overnight bag. I wordlessly stood and went to the closet and packed a few changes of clothes.

I did not say anything I was afraid if I did only sobs and incoherent sentences would leave I chose silence. I wouldn’t have wanted to flip out on them. I was already not stable. I was emotionally drained. I understand, I get it. I wanted to say this but I opened my mouth and closed it when nothing came out. I looked at the girl beside Drew she was nothing like me. whereas I was tall with black hair and brown eyes, she was short with blonde hair and blue eyes. She was the exact opposite of me.

I went to the bathroom to pick some of my toiletries and when I looked in the mirror all I had were questions. it hurt me to see the man I loved was capable of showing affection just not to me. Taking a shuddering breath I wondered how could I have missed the signs. were there even signs? How long? Did they use protection?. Where would I go now? I was going to leave home…my house…Drew was my home for the past year. I dialed my best friends number but it went straight to voicemail only to remember she had gone to India as of yesterday.

Almost feeling like I had nowhere to go I remembered “This will always be your home” my mother had told me the day I moved out on my own. I picked my belongings and when I turned to leave both Drew and the girl were dressed stood by side. Awkward.

Ramadhan Mubarak

It is the holy month of Ramadhan for the Islamic community all around the world. Ramadhan is the ninth month in the Islamic calendar and is observed as a month of fasting to commemorate the first revelation of the Quran to Muhammad according to the Islamic relief. well I actually do wish all muslims Ramadhan Kareem.

But that’s not it lets talk terror attacks. Kenya has had its share of painful and brutal attacks. In 1975 Kenya faced the first ever terror attacks. Kenya had already become an independent country. The bombing took place in two places in Central Nairobi. One took place at the Starlight club and the other in a travel bureau near the Hilton hotel. This was later followed by the OTC bus blast killing 30 people. For several days after the city lived in fear, destabilised by numerous telephone bomb hoaxes. The bombings stopped after the news of the disappearance and murder of JM Kariuki became public. Question still remains who killed JM Kariuki?

The country seemed to had acquired calm until 1980. five years later the Norfolk hotel owned by a prominent member of the local jewish community was bombed killing 20 people of different nationalities , wounded 87 ore and caused a lot of damage. This was believed to be an act of revenge by pro-palestinian militants for Kenya supporting roles in israeli’s Operation Entebbe. Operation Entebbe or operation thunderbolt was a succesful counter-terrorist hostage rescue mission carried out by commandos of the Israeli Defence Forces(IDF) at Entebbe Airport in Uganda whereby Kenya’s president Jomo Kenyatta allowed IDF task force to cross Kenyan airspace and refuel at Jomo Kenyatta International Airport. The prime suspect was identified as 34-year-old Qaddura Mohammed Abdel al-Hamid of Morocco.

Few years later 1998 on 7th august the united states embassy bombing in Nairobi killing 213 people and estimated 4,000 others wounded. A group calling itself the” liberation Army for Holy Sites” took credit for the bombings. 2002 Kikambala hotel bombing and Arkia airlines missile attack in Mombasa took place killing 13 and 80 injured. police have been seek Mr Bajnaf Mselem Swaleh Mahdi Khamisi, who they believe might lead the to Fazul the main suspect.

2011 October the Kenyan military joined forces with the Somali military against the Al-Shabaab group. 2011/2012 there have been at least 17 attacks involving grenade or explosives in Kenya. On 21st September 2013 Al-Shabaab associated gunmen targeted and shot customers at Nairobi’s Westgate shopping mall killing atleast 67 people. the attack has been followed by other attacks including the 2014 Mpeketoni attacks, 2015 Garissa attacks.

Kenya has lost a lot of lives in the terror attacks but what makes me mad is that the attacks in Kenya have been carried out by local Kenyans, many of who are recent converts to Islam who are referred to as the Kenyan Mujahideen. Islamic radical terrorism is defined as an act or campaign committed by groups or individuals who profess islamic or Islamist motivations or goals. The idea of islamic supremacy is encapsulated in the formula, “Islam is exalted and nothing is exalted above it”.

Islam is a religion but it doesn’t condone terrorism. Terrorism has no religion and unlike democracy Islam conquers heart, wins minds and repels evil. so yes there are muslim extremist but when they actually kill its seen as a violation of the islamic laws. Terrorist do not follow the Quran. Are there good muslims? yes there are. Is there a war on terror? yes all around the world. But all we have to do is fight against terrorism and stand for peace.

My Hindi Obsession

Am black yes, Kenyan yes, is it in Africa yes. But about that you knew yes?

well I think am partially Hindi. I would understand Hindi since I was a small kid. Honestly none of my parents spoke Hindi. literally no one in the family did so it was funny when I would say Namaste to everyone I met. I remember the curious looks from people when I touched elders feet. But let me tell you I also didn’t know why I did it. Well my parents took me to every preacher they could. I would kneel while the preacher prayed and casted out demons. I didn’t understand that even one bit because after the prayer I would basically touch his feet and leave then it would be start of finding a new preacher. Parents told their kids to avoid me so I didn’t have friend. I was a lonely kid but I was always happy.

I had become a celebrity in my neighborhood just not the good kind. News travel very fast that an Indian family heard about me and came to visit. When I said Namaste to them they actually replied back I was overjoyed. They tried to tell my parents that I was not mad and didn’t have any demons. My parents were relieved but I had already ruined how people viewed our family. When they asked if I could stay with the Indian family who of course  said yes I was so happy. I felt that I was going to where I belonged.

I packed my belonging ready to go and live with my new family. They taught me a lot. I remember wearing a saree for the first time. That was the first time going to a temple and the feeling was surreal. The Singh family accepted me to their family, showed me love and there were no demon casting. I felt normal for once if I touched someone’s feet no one would think I was nuts. It took time for my parents to understand I wouldn’t change. So yes I grew up being Indian.

One day my parents came to visit and they were served food and yes it was spicy indian food. After the food they didn’t fail to say how the food was tasty. I was happy because I had cooked the food and that was the one term my parents had actually said something nice about me. I have grown to love everything indian from the people,  food, confectionaries to their films.

yes I am very fond of Indians. But that’s because I feel I am one of them. Do i still go to the temple? [Kabhi khabi ].  As i grew up i realized you chose who you are, not what people want you to be. And i mean who can say no to indian confectionaries or their festivals? I am a kenyan who loves hindi but still a kenyan.




Tinder badluck

Dating has surely changed. Most people now are joining dating sites like tinder or meeting on Facebook and other social apps. But let’s say inside the dating sites mostly whatever goes on there can sometimes be appalling. So I tried joining one dating site too …hey sucks being single sometimes

I had not dated for almost two years and I was ready to get back to the dating world. So I decided to make an account on tinder and I would probably get a smoking hot boyfriend. I put one of my best pictures and started swiping right. And for sure it did not take long before guys started swiping right back.

Well one of the very first person to swipe was actually pretty good. He was all gentleman-ish and really hot. And the way things were going I was sure seeing our wedding,kids and a lot of puppies. We had long chats back and forth until we exchanged numbers. Our chats continued we would have the best conversations, long calls and video chats. We had gotten really close. I remember if he didn’t talk to me I would start getting anxious and kept looking at my phone. I was acting like a love sick puppy.

Then one day I decided to login to Facebook. I don’t know what prompted me to click the import contacts button but I did. Funny enough my Mr handsome had an account so I decided to just go ahead and check his wall. I wasn’t stalking him it was just a mere coincidence but whatever I found got my heart to stop for a few seconds. He was married and had a kid. I remember looking at the kid in his pictures where he had written and I quote”my son looks exactly like me” another one he was kissing the wife.

I couldn’t believe it, I had seen our future together but it ended within a blink of an eye. All that I was left with was crying and I realized later how stupid I was being. So I decided to send him a friend request and he actually accepted. I sent a message and said you didn’t tell me you were married, all he replied was you never asked. True I never asked but you should have had the decency of telling me. We continued talking until our chats were reduced to good morning, goodnight or hi. After a while we didn’t talk anymore and I vowed to myself to always ask if someone was married. I didn’t want a repeat of that.

But that was not the end of my tinder drama. One guy was coming to Kenya for a vacation and he claimed he wanted to make friends here before he came and I was all for making a new friend. But then he went and asked how much I wanted from him. I didn’t get it like in there country do they pay for friendship? Unfortunately I had gotten it all wrong. His explanation was that black girls in Kenya like money for sex. So he was basically calling me a whore along with every girl in Kenya.

I was furious I could not believe the nerve of that guy. I decided to give him a piece of my mind with the conversation that went ahead to be really nasty. And trust me you wouldn’t want to know the details. We did not talk anymore from that day but I guess life decided to play a game with me. I remember walking home a few months later and my roommate telling me we had a new hot white neighbour. I didn’t pay heed to what she had told me until a few days later as I was in the lift the very same tinder guy got in with me. I was in shock for like two seconds but being me I called him for I sure as hell remembered his name.

He looked at me and when he actually realized who I was he was astounded. First because our last conversation wasn’t the nicest and he was stuck with me the very same person who he insinuated was a whore. He couldn’t form a single word, he stammered and fumbled with words but I just shook my head and asked how were the whores and had he been using contraceptives? His reaction was funny that he got off the wrong floor and practically ran out the lift. I pretty much sabotaged his dates all when he stayed as my neighbour. But on the day he left flowers were delivered and an apology note. I remember saying I forgave him but I couldn’t stand being friends with him. Was I overreacting? Maybe, but I had made a decision.

I still kept my tinder account. I made a few good friends but I also met the vulgar ones who always asked if I wanted sex. Then I decided I had gotten enough of tinder. I didn’t delete my account though but the app. And guess what am back on tinder ready to give a piece of my mind to any one who thinks of disrespecting me and hey maybe I will get my Mr right.i have decided to give tinder a second chance.

Homophobic country

I grew up in a Christian upbringing. yes I had to go to Sunday School and all that. But I was a rebel. I loved doing things the opposite way. My mother called me Satan’s spawn. I did not know of homosexuality until I was in high school. I remember one day going to the dormitory one evening and found some girls kissing. I stood there open mouthed not knowing how to react. The girls were so scared but they couldn’t hide because I had already seen them. They walked to me and I remember one of them telling me, ” please don’t tell on us, I love her and it will destroy us”. I said fine and left to my cubicle. I was in shock, my mind was running wild. I was intrigued though and just decided to sleep and ask them all about there so called love the next morning but funny enough when I woke up one of the girls lets call her Tracy was sitting by my bedside.

She worriedly asked me if I was going to tell anyone what I saw. But I had given her my word and told her I wouldn’t but I needed to talk to them later I had a few questions if she didn’t mind. I went to class and couldn’t wait for the day to end. we met later at the end of the day and my first question is can I also kiss a girl? which they laughed and actually ended up understanding that I knew nothing about being gay. That was the beginning of a new friendship even though sometimes they would do things like doing my laundry and picking up my homework if I wasn’t in class that day . I partially thought it was a way of making sure that I never tell anyone about them.

we had become really good friends and then one day in form three I was elected as the school deputy president. I never expected that because I was still a rebel but a good performer. After being elected that is how I started to know of homophobia. The teachers had known about gay students. As a student leader I was summoned to the principals office and given a task that I should tell them of any gay student. I remember going to my two friends and warning them about being careful. I chose my friends that day and I protected them till we were done with high school. Other students were expelled because of being gay which I never understood .

After school I had kept in touch with my friends and our friendship continued. But not the end of their troubles. Tracy came out to her parents and they had chased her away. I was disturbed by that and let her stay at our place because my parents were not home a lot. I asked my mum one day what she thought about homosexuals and that conversation did not go too well and it was then I realized I was a friend with gay friends ,homophobic parents in a homophobic country. when I was moving out to my new apartment I remember telling my parents that my friends were gay and the words that came out of their mouths then were not really good including that my friends would pass their gay disease to me.

Me and Tracy lived together with her girlfriend coming to visit often. One day when we were all having supper I remember telling Tracy to kiss me. Her girlfriend said she should and when she did I felt nothing. it was just a kiss and nothing more to it. I didn’t mind it, and I was not gay. was it a relief? yes because I couldn’t take hiding like my friends. I learnt being gay was not a disease and I was not homophobic. My mother would keep sending me bible quotes but I realized even that wouldn’t change my mind. I would still be the good friend I was. Gay or not they were my friends. Tracy and her girlfriend later left to new York where they got married and settled also making me an aunt. They have an adorable beautiful baby girl.

yes I am still not married probably because am still waiting for Mr right. Through the years I have realized being a Kenyan is really nice but being a Kenyan gay person is not. And yes its a homophobic country. Are there gay people in Kenya? yes but they don’t walk holding hands.  Twenty first century but still the same. But as I always say love is love. No matter the gender.